Thursday, June 02, 2005

Work, so confusing

So, here I am trying to ask God to tell me what it is I am supposed to do with my life. I pray every night for God to open my eyes so I can see the path that God wants me to follow. I do this because I am so miserable in my job. I am not fulfilled and it is not rewarding.

Then things happen at work happen as they happened today. I essentially was rewarded once again for my hard work. Ever since I started working for my company, I have been constantly rewarded, recognized, promoted, and compensated. Why is it that I am so miserable in a job I am obviously so good at? Why do I want to quit a company where I have been very successful and have a bright future?

Maybe I am supposed to continue working for my company. They do pay me well, rely on me, and recognize me. I have flexible work hours and working conditions. I get at least 3 weeks of vacation every year and most years I take closer to 4 weeks with my comp time (overtime). With all of my vacation and flexible hours, it has allowed me to do the volunteer conference work that I want to do on my vacation. But is that enough?

My best week each year for the past 3 years (would be 4 years but my best week 4 years ago was my honeymoon) has been the week I have volunteered at the Montreat/PYC 3 middle school conference. I haven't really done anything super important at those conferences (i just run AV equipment), but that week really makes me happy. Why can't I have that happiness for 52 weeks a year instead of 1 or 2 weeks?

So, my confusion continues. Do I continue to work a job that I am very successful in but hate just because it affords me the ability to volunteer 1 or 2 weeks each year AND still have vacation time? or Do I try and find a way to have that 1 or 2 week feeling of happiness for more of the year? I think the answer is not what I want, but what God wants for me.

So, God, the ball is in your court. I can be reached by email, voicemail, or through the words and works of others (although, email is the easiest way to reach me).

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